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PARAGRAPH (sample 1)

It is believed that people have a job that they like is crucial thing also it is better than to catch much money. While several people assume that a good financial tends absolutely to have a better life, I would argue that having a lot of money will lead better life and enjoying a work tends to be happy person. This essay will discuss both views before it is judged to support lives.

GOOD COMMENT
Since this intro failed to paraphrase the background and to present a strong thesis, there is no a sense of coherence among paragraphs. To have a powerful introduction, then you can break down these steps into;

  1. Hook
  2. Background information
  3. Thesis and outline

Even your prompt is open for discuss both views, there is no harm you stating your own opinion in the introduction itself. It is nicer when you conclude the intro with a statement expressing your opinion very clearly. That helps you take the reader in your desired direction.

Share your knowledge related to the content will help writers understand what to do for their essays.

 

PARAGRAPH (sample 2)

Having a lot of money will lead better life and enjoying a work tends to be happy person. It supports so much happiness. Take one example, people aspire to earn more money because society, nowadays, has become increasing materialistic to connect wealth and material possession with happiness and success. I do agree people are refers to up to date a new style bought a new brand. It means that more money is better than having a comfortable job.

GOOD COMMENT
Read my sample of money relate paragraph more closely and how I justify my view prior to moving to the following paragraph;

More money might be an effective tool for enhancing happiness. A plenty of money simply makes workers easier deal with certain problems like a repair in the house or a tuition hike at children’s school. A 2014 Harvard study reveals that 80% of New Yorkers experience increases in daily happiness because they have more money that makes them feel more secure affecting their emotional states. However, it is argued that a majority of people feel happier although they live with a handful of money.

Some paragraphs are not well-developed. You can rewrite them in order to show the writer how to develop the strong one.

 

PARAGRAPH (sample 3)

In conclusion, I possess an opinion that people are happier with much money than can continue lives to survive Because of modern lifestyle.

GOOD COMMENT

In conclusion, I possess an opinion that people are happier with much money than can continue lives to survive Because of modern lifestyle. the idea that money brings happiness is the most valued for some people, although such a view is not always true. Doing what you love produces abundance in life.

Sentence flows are also needed. This is one of the best ways to share your feedback.

 

PARAGRAPH (sample 4)

People assume that a good financial tends to better life. For my view in an example, I had ever been a working part time doing in market traditional. I do it then do not think that I could have gotten much money I enjoyed making a job for learning how to do my best perform.

BAD COMMENT (your account will get suspended)

Overall, the idea in the second paragraph comes nowhere.

You are not allowed to render only one sentence as your feedback, since this will not give much help both you and writers.

 

PARAGRAPH (sample 5)

Another situation is when I must build my skill how to catch a salary and I thought that money was anything because the vital action was had by me to be comfortable place that made my life survived so that a high salary has made my own lives successfully. In other word, it is important to have a good zone and a high salary so it is not just to have an enjoyable job for better life.

BAD COMMENT (your account will get suspended)

Another situation is when I must build my skillS how to catch a salary, and I thought that money was anything because the vital action was had by me to be A comfortable place that made my life survived so that a high salary has made my own lives successfully. In other word, it is important to have a good zone and a high salary so it is not just to have an enjoyable job for A better life.

A handful of grammar corrections will not bring significant improvements on the paragraph. Careful proofreading is still required, such as word choice, collocation, cohesive devices, tense use and so on.  

 

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